So you know what qualifies me to be a narcissistic abuse mentor, here is a very abridged version of my story…
I have suffered abuse at the hands of many narcissists in my life, starting with my parents, then going on to include countless “friends,” my ex husband, in-laws, and several family members. For many years, narcissists blamed me for all problems in these relationships, and in my life in general. Naturally I assumed they were right. Years of narcissistic abuse made me believe I was incredibly stupid, in spite of me having a fairly high IQ. I believed they knew best, and each narcissist made me believe I was to blame for my own suffering, never them. And, if I said anything otherwise, I was met with rage, and/or denial, and/or minimization and/or invalidation and/or excuses.
When I was in my late thirties, I talked to my dear friend, Kris, about these abusive relationships often. They were getting worse, and I needed answers. She once was a nurse at a psychiatric hospital, was a devoted Christian, and always spoke the truth. She suggested I look into sociopathy. Since sociopathy is a Cluster B personality disorder, that let to me discovering Cluster B disorders, including Narcissistic Personality Disorder, also known as NPD. Suddenly my terrible relationships made sense! I was shocked to learn that my abusers were wrong about everything! Sadly Kris passed away before I could thank her for what she helped me to learn.
I feverishly dug into this new knowledge, and have been studying narcissism and healing from narcissistic abuse since 2011. My studies also taught me I had not been dealing with “only” anxiety and depression my entire life, but Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or C-PTSD, as a direct result of the narcissistic abuse.
I have written several books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse and C-PTSD. I felt in my heart for several years prior that being an author was God’s calling for me, and a devoted Christian I know (a minister of many years, in fact) confirmed this. I did not know her well, and we did not speak often, so I never mentioned anything terribly personal, including my thoughts on this topic. One day when we were talking in 2003, she stopped talking for a moment, then said, “God says your calling is to write.” I had no idea what to write about at first, until years later when l I learned about NPD. Suddenly I knew God wanted me to help other victims. I have gone from not only writing books but also creating a website, writing a blog, a Facebook group, and podcasts.
In June, 2024, I felt like I needed to do something new, and that is when mentoring first came to mind. Unfortunately my precious cat Molly became very sick, so writing and mentoring were put on the back burner for a while. A couple of months after her passing I tried to start working again. I stumbled across a course for becoming a grief coach for pet loss. I took it thinking it might help me to cope with losing Molly since I was still struggling. It did help me, and it also inspired me to become a grief coach for pet loss.
The course also inspired me with some new ideas for helping other victims of narcissistic abuse through mentoring. I began to combine my knowledge of narcissistic abuse recovery with this new knowledge from the course I took to create effective ways of helping victims heal.
I continue to study Narcissistic Personality Disorder, narcissistic abuse recovery and grief associated with pet loss, and pass what I learn along. As all are very complex topics, there is no end to learning about them. Any time I thought that I finally found the end, I learned something else new shortly after, particularly regarding narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery. That is why although I know a great deal about narcissism and narcissistic abuse recovery, I do not feel comfortable saying I am an expert and am very leery of anyone who does claim to be an expert on either topic. However, I gladly share everything I know to help other victims learn to heal, manage their pain, and more.